got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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