Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she peed on how many people?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
