Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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