I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
