I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
