We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
