We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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