it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
