I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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