I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
