I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
