I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
