p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
