Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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