im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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