i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
