He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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