I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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