One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
