The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
