it wasn't lemon gatorade
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
