Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
