nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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