Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
don't judge my taste in strippers
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
