i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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