We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
