i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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