I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
