If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My vagina is officially offended.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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