Swine flu. Run for my life!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
