4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
