I think i peed on brittanys purse
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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