More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
