She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
