I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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