U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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