she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
