Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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