my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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