You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
