Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
