remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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