We won't sleep together?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i need to put some appletini on your dick
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
