saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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