ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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