made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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