im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
