oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
