yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
