The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
