i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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