this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
